i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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