so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
