my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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