Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize