It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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