Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
