batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
