is your mom at the bar?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize