If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
