btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
