you didnt know i had herpes?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
