I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize