Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
