Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
