If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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