He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
