Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize