Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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