he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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