I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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