I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
