$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
