So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
