You work out of a Hotel?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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