evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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