called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
A bitchslap is in order.
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