I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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