Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
