I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
