I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
