i just google imaged poop.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
