just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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