Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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