i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
