You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
