brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
