Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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