oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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