Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
