he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
