just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
