$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
