Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize