You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
