mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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