He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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