i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
vagina is talking i cant
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
