We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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