why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
