so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
