I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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