I think im going to throw up on grandma
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
