I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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