dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we should paint friendship bongs
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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