He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
