i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
