definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
