I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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