my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize