Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
