Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
