dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We are all done wearing pants today
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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