4 words: hood of his car
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm just crazy horny about you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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