btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
