I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
