She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think I am morally bankrupt
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
