A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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