im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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