How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize