Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
