I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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