I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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