If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just cropdusted the office
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My balls are so social today.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
