we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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