either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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