I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
