Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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