left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
