I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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