I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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