if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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