he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
