I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
