I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Drunk is a universal language darling
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
