mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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