Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize