fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
