i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
