I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
