1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
