I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
