I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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