My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
