I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
