ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
