I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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