So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize