Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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