I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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